


Battles and Birthdays

by twentytwosixteen



Category: Marvel
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Birthdays, Fluff, Love, Multi, Nerf Wars, Other, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25184107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentytwosixteen/pseuds/twentytwosixteen
Summary: Nerf Wars? Not what Tony wanted to deal with. But since when did he get what he wanted?A short Marvel fan fiction featuring none other than Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark, along with several nerf guns and some scheming avengers.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 34





	1. “stupid fucking spiders”

There was an almighty crash, and something that sounded rather like muffled swearing.

Tony Stark, running entirely on many shots of espresso and sheer willpower, looked up from his machinery for the first time in 48 hours. He raked his hair out of his face, smearing it with engine oil. Unusual. But not, perhaps, unwarranted. Perhaps Banner had lost his temper.

Tony looked regretfully at the machine he was building. He'd have to finish it later. Loud noises took priority, especially since Pepper had left and was now unable to deal with them. He strolled out of his workshop, chucking the spanner he was gripping over one shoulder, and tried not to jump at the bang.

Sure, he'd loved Pepper. She'd loved him too. But not in that way, whatever that was. And now she'd moved on to bigger and better things, as she should. Surprisingly enough, the past two years without her had gone smoother than expected, even with his two boyfriends liable to mess things up.

"Jarvis, give me details on the situation," he said, jogging up the stairs. A smooth voice answered him.  
"Your guests have arrived, Mr Stark," Jarvis said. Tony huffed.  
"They said they were coming on Saturday."

"It is Saturday, Mr Stark."

Tony looked at his watch. It was, indeed, Saturday. Somehow his stupid machine had got in the way of the past few days. Maybe that explained his pounding headache, and his aching eyes.

When he got upstairs, he was greeted by the sight of Steve Rogers lying flat on his back with an irate Bucky Barnes yelling at the ceiling.

"What did I miss?" he said.  
"-and I swear I'll come up there and shoot your smug face off-"

Bucky was too busy yelling to answer him.

"Steve?" he asked.  
"I got shot," he said, "and Bucky went insane."

Tony glanced once at the nerf dart lying on the floor beside him and sighed. He was too tired for this nonsense.

"-show your face, you coward-"  
"Buck," he said, gripping Bucky's arm, "what the hell?"

"Stupid fucking spiders," he grumbled, shrugging Tony off. At least he'd stopped yelling.  
"Spiders?"  
"Your small child. And Natasha. Scheming with nerf guns. And now they're hiding in the ceiling because they know that if they show their faces I'll- I'll-"

"You'll what?"  
"I don't know. Something bad."

Bucky gave Steve a hand up. Tony suspected that he'd only fallen over for dramatic effect. (Which he could appreciate, being a great believer in the power of dramatic effect.) Steve, sweeping his blonde hair out of his face, grabbed Bucky by the arm and steered him into the kitchen. Tony glanced up at the ceiling once more before following them. He could have sworn he'd heard the sound of giggling.


	2. “enough coffee for a lifetime”

In the kitchen, Bucky headed straight for the coffee machine (as he might have expected). Tony sat down at the table and rubbed his eyes.

"You look like shit," said Steve.  
"That's nice," Tony said, rolling his eyes.  
"I mean- you look as hot as always, but way too tired. And you're covered in oil."  
"I'm blushing," Tony muttered, and tried not to fall asleep then and there.

Steve shook his head and accepted a mug of coffee from Bucky. He reached out for one himself, and Bucky slapped his hand away.

"Nuh-uh. You've had enough coffee for a lifetime, I can tell. You're on your own."  
"Bastard," Tony muttered.  
"You don't mean that."

As Bucky sipped his coffee too smugly for his own good, Tony's brain was whirring. Nobody attacked his Steve without revenge. Even if it was only a nerf dart. A plan. That was what they needed. If only he could think, without his head pounding. Sleep sounded like a good idea... but that was off the table until he'd thought of a suitable revenge.

He stood up - jumped up - with much more force than was necessary. His hands were no longer shaking from the excess caffeine, which could be construed as either good or bad. Mentally, he ran through the ceiling ventilation layout. There was only a few metres of it in the hallway, so Pete and Nat couldn't have gone far. They were probably lying in wait outside of the kitchen door, which he promptly ran over to shut.

"Any weapons?" he asked the two. They looked mildly confused.  
"Right. Fine. Plan of attack? Either of you?"

They looked at him blankly, and he sighed, before running back to the table. He jumped up on it. For a better vantage point. (And for fun.)

"Steve, take the door. Buck, reckon you could hide in the fridge or something?”  
"Have you finally gone crazy?" Steve asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"No, dumbass, I'm strategising. Somebody has to. Nobody gets away with attacking you."  
"It was a foam bullet," Steve protested, but there was a gleam in his eyes. Tony shrugged. It didn't matter. Revenge was revenge. And, sometimes, revenge turned out to be rather fun.

"I vote we shove Tony in the fridge and take on the spiders ourselves. He doesn't exactly look up to fighting."  
"Lies," Tony said, blinking repeatedly to stop his eyes from shutting and sleeping, "I'm your best line of defence."

Bucky finished his coffee quickly and came to stand beside the table.

"Stay away," Tony warned, not liking the innocent smile on Bucky's face.  
"Stay away? But why would I, when I could do... this!"

In one rapid motion Bucky picked him up off the table like he weighed nothing and swept him into his arms.

"Put me the fuck down, Barnes!" Tony shrieked, flailing around. Steve was snickering. He sent him the best death glare he could from his position in Bucky's arms. A stream of profanities shot out of his mouth but Bucky, laughing easily, ignored him. He was still yelling his head off when Natasha and Pete burst through the door fully armed.

Each of them carried two heavily loaded nerf guns, and the same evil smirk.


	3. "a battle cry"

Under the hail of bullets Tony was finally able to wriggle away from Bucky. He slid into the hallway, unnoticed, and shut the door. There. The threat, and his boyfriends, contained. He turned around to see Rhodey levelling a nerf gun at him. 

"Well, shit," he said, and dived to the side. Rhodes' darts hit the kitchen door. Tony backtracked down the hallway, yelling nonsense at Jarvis about security and trying to buy himself time. He could hear yelling from the kitchen even from behind the closed door, and briefly felt guilty about shutting Steve and Bucky in with them. But then again, the fight didn't seem entirely one sided, from what he could hear. Rhodey was shooting at him again and a nerf dart bounced off his leg. Tony stopped backing away and started running. This dratted hallway was far too lacking in helpful corners to hide around. He reached the end and skidded into a spare bedroom. If he remembered rightly- yes, the nerf gun Peter had kept in here was still stashed under the bed. He picked it up and weighed it in his hands. Perfectly suitable, but devoid of bullets. Damn Natasha and her foresight. 

He could hear Rhodey's footsteps coming closer and he opened the door before rolling under the bed. He could watch the door from here and not be seen until the last second. A spray of bullets launched into the room and Tony rolled out to grab them. Thankfully it was painfully easy to load the gun and hide behind a bed at the same time.

"Shouldn't you be on my team?" he said, shoving darts into the gun like there was no tomorrow.  
"Shooting you is more fun. Plus, spidey-boy was very insistent I join his side."  
"Great," Tony huffed, and popped up from under the bed. He shot Rhodey square in the chest and ducked quickly, collecting his bullets as they bounced off the wall.

With a battle-cry that the Wakandan army would be proud of, Tony charged out of the room and shut the door behind him, taking off down the corridor again. Rhodes rattled the door handle fruitlessly, and Tony cackled. Three down. God knows how many more Nat and Pete had recruited. Tony, nerf gun waving wildly in the air, skidded to a halt when he'd reached the kitchen. The door was wide open. And the kitchen was empty. It seemed the four had escaped.

"Jarvis, I need an update on locations," he said, scanning the vicinity and then hastily checking the ceiling. All seemed empty.  
"I'm afraid I cannot assist you, Mr Stark," said Jarvis.  
"What the hell do you mean?" he said, checking the kitchen again. It was most definitely clear.  
"Some sort of manual override. I believe this feud has quite got out of hand."

"Oh, it's about to get much worse," he said, and then, "I'm going to murder Natasha."  
"It wasn't Natasha who hacked me," Jarvis explained patiently. Tony fumed. She'd enlisted someone else, then.

"Who did it?" he asked, opening cupboards at random in case Peter was hidden in one.  
"It seems that it was Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers, sir." Tony groaned. "God fucking dammit."


	4. "like a howling storm"

A small crash from the room above startled Tony into moving again. He took the stairs two at a time, and just as he reached the upper landing he saw Rhodes coming to a halt in front of the elevator. He scrambled upstairs as fast as he could.

The first floor. The elevator was speeding past him and he rounded the corner and continued upstairs. The second floor. This time he reached it milliseconds before the elevator. Third floor. Fourth. By this time he was panting and wondering why the building had so many bloody floors.

The elevator slid to a halt, but Tony was waiting outside it grimly. As the doors opened he rained a hail of bullets at Rhodey who was so surprised that he didn't have time to get out of the elevator. Tony darted forwards, pressed the _up_ button, and escaped before Rhodes could so much as pick up his gun.

Rhodes' yells as he was taken upwards were enough to make Tony laugh again. He'd used up most of his bullets, but it was worth it to trap Rhodes in the elevator.

Tony turned around. He lifted his plastic gun and prepared to do battle with whatever dangers were awaiting him on the fourth floor. He heard a floorboard creak, and Peter Parker landed softly in front of him.

"Not bad, Pete," he said, lifting his gun.  
"Hey! No! Stop! I'm on your team, I promise!"  
"Good one," said Tony, "but nobody shoots my boyfriend and gets away with it."  
"Mr Stark!" Peter protested, looking panicked, "I swear I am!"

Peter dropped his nerf gun in a gesture of peace, and Tony shot him once (for revenge) before picking it up.

"Alright. But you'd better help me find Nat."  
"Sure," Peter said, with a grin that looked way too genial.

Tony opened his mouth to talk to Jarvis before realising he was of no use, and cursed Steve and Bucky to hell and back again. He glanced at Pete, weaponless but calmly following along like nothing could hurt him. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to trust him-

"To your left!" Peter shouted suddenly, and Tony, glancing left, saw a swish of red hair that could only mean one thing: Natasha Romanoff. He darted into the room after her, paying no attention to Peter. His mind was formulating all of the different escape routes from this particular room, of which there weren't many.

"Die, red-haired traitor!" he yelled, rounding a corner. Natasha was nowhere to be seen. He turned around quickly just in time to see Peter locking the door and Natasha running straight at him.

He fired as many bullets at her as he could, but they had no effect whatsoever. Possibly this was because they were foam. Left with no alternative, he backed up until he was against the wall. Nat didn't even have a nerf gun, but she was still terrifying. He vividly remembered a certain boxing lesson a few years ago and cringed.

Trying his best to dodge her didn't work because she clearly had her plan of attack worked out to a tee. And she still had no nerf gun. His sleep-laden limbs were no use against her.

He had no bullets left. He waved the gun at her threateningly as she slid to the side, pulled out a rope and a chair seemingly from thin air, and began swiftly tying him to the chair.

"For God's sake," he said, rolling his eyes. She dodged his flailing arms neatly.  
"I kind of think we won," Natasha said, standing back to admire her tightly woven knots.  
"I'm not fucking giving up," he said.  
"You've got no choice," she said, smirking.

As she stepped back to admire her handiwork there was a noise like a howling storm and Bucky dropped down from the ceiling.

"Die!" he yelled, shooting at Natasha. Steve, calmly climbing out of the ceiling after him, attached a hook to Tony's chair and began winching him up into the ceiling.

"Hey," he said, "just untie me already!"  
"You're a lot easier to deal with when you're tied up," Steve remarked. He surveyed the room casually and shot a few nerf darts at Natasha, who was stumbling backwards at Bucky's assault.  
"Kinky," Tony muttered, trying to twist his wrists out of the knots in vain. Steve choked on thin air, which was amusing. His face turned light pink.

Tony got one last good look at the chaos of Bucky and Nat battling it out before Steve pulled him into the ceiling and they were holed up in a dark, echoing space with no structurally sound floor. And he was still tied to the chair.


	5. "slowly sinking to the floor"

"What _are_ we going to do with you?" Bucky asked. Tony rolled his eyes as far back in his head as he could.  
"You could fucking untie me, for a start."  
"But you look so cute like that," Bucky said, grinning.

Steve, in the process of gathering all of the stray nerf darts he could find, stopped to agree with Bucky. Tony gave them the middle finger as best he could with secured wrists. At least they'd won the whatever-it-was. Battle. Fight. Nerf war. It turned out that two spiders were no match for Steve and Bucky and vengeance, even with the assistance of Rhodes.

And now here he was. Fighting the urge to fall asleep right there, because he really hadn't slept in far too long, and from the look Steve was giving him he could tell that he was going to pass out at any given moment-

"Christ, Tony, you look like death. We'll untie you. But only because you look so pitiful."

Tony rolled his eyes again. When it came to his boyfriends, he found himself doing that a lot. He had to suppress a yawn as he stood up, which both Bucky and Steve clocked instantly.

"Sleep," said Steve, "sleep is what you need."  
"I'm fine," Tony said, waving a dismissive hand.  
"You're not kidding anybody. Including yourself," Bucky told him. He tried _very hard_ not to roll his eyes again.

There was a brief moment in which Tony did manage to convince himself that he was fine, and he'd just settled on going back to the lab when Steve grabbed his arm.

"Get off, Rogers," he said, batting him away weakly. Of course it had no effect.  
"Go to bed."  
"I've got work to do-"  
"Shit, Tony, can you please look after yourself?"  
"I think he's incapable of looking after himself," Bucky mused. Tony glared at him.

But when he walked outside the room he went up the stairs to his bedroom rather than down again to the lab. It was only because Steve and Bucky were watching him. (And maybe he should get some rest, come to think of it.)

His bed was soft and, though empty of the two men he usually had to get through the night, heavenly. He didn't shut his eyes. They shut of their own accord. And soon, too soon, he was drifting into a deep sleep.

In his dream there was nothing but light. He blinked and tried to get his bearings.

A body came out of the haze and slowly moved towards him. He focused on it, cautious, and the person solidified. It was Bucky, limping, a cut across his face and blood dripping down his cheekbones. He made it halfway across the nothingness before slowly sinking to the floor. Tony, paralysed, could only watch in fear.

"No," he whispered. Bucky's face was contorted in pain. The background gradually sharpened and Tony, horrified, recognised the battle-torn streets of New York. Aliens. Monsters. Chitauri, streaming from the heavens.

"Tony, you could have saved us," Bucky whispered faintly, and then beside him was Steve, dead on the floor. Tony screamed, but no sound came out. Bucky's face was changing from pain to hatred and Tony was rooted to the spot as his boyfriend looked up at him with a face of utter betrayal.

"It was your fault," he whispered, and then he was gone.

Tony, able to move now, started forwards, but Steve and Bucky had vanished into thin air. Around him the sounds of battle raged and he squatted down, hands over his ears. It was too much. It was all too much.

"Tony!"

A cry lost to the wind. He turned, and Steve and Bucky were back, alive, _there_. He tried to speak but his mouth was frozen shut.

"You did it," they said, talking as one.  
"Did what?" he managed to gasp out, staring fixated at their matched expressions of hatred.  
"You killed us. You did it. Tony Stark, it's your fault."

Tony heard a scream, and then he realised it was him screaming, and then he sat up in bed with nothing but shaking hands and a racing heart.


	6. "a deadly parody"

When he touched his face his hand came away wet with tears. He shook his head furiously; tried to calm down. A dream. Just a dream. Just a nightmare, and now it was over. Tony felt sick and shaky and _weak_ and he hated it. Struggling out of bed, he threw a cursory glance at the clock. Great. He'd only slept for two hours. Two and a half maximum.

It was cold downstairs, and between the shaking and the shivering Tony thought it was a miracle he didn't drop and smash the glass he was holding. Steady sips of water. That was the way forwards.

Any self control had disappeared. He put the glass down and let his feet lead him to the lab. Sleep was not an option. There was only one thing for it.

He threw himself into his work. It was like a desperate struggle for control. For normality. For his usual levels of genius or what-have-you. His hands were shaking too much to hold the materials still, and he yelled at his machine unreservedly. There was nobody to hear anyway.

When he caught a glimpse of his reflection, hair messed up and eyes bloodshot, he was surprised to see that he was still crying. He thought that must have passed by now. It probably explained why the room was so blurry.

As soon as he thought about things for too long his breathing rate increased tenfold. The picture in his head - Steve dead, Bucky dying - was offset by words and phrases that danced around in a deadly parody of a ballet. _You could have saved us_. _Your fault_. _Dead. Dying_.

His work was not going well. Tony sat back and tried to look at it, but the tears in his eyes were making that difficult. Everything was making that fucking difficult.

He curled into a ball. A reflex. A protective instinct. His mind was racing at a million miles an hour and he could feel his heart jumping out of his chest. Maybe he was dying. Maybe he deserved it.

He didn't look up when somebody, two people actually, crashed into the room and hit the light switch. He didn't look up when he heard Steve and Bucky calling his name. He didn't look up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, on his cheek, brushing away his hair carefully.

When he did look up, Bucky pulled him upright into a hug and he cried into his boyfriend's shoulder. Soft murmurs and caring touches took some of the pain away, but he pressed his body tight against Bucky's and tried to shut out the outside world. Too much noise. Too much light. Too much.

He barely registered Bucky carrying him upstairs. He barely registered Steve's light kisses. But his sobs were abating, and the clammy feeling in his hands was receding. 20 minutes or so later, he even thought his heart was functioning as normal.

There was no surprise when he fell asleep. Properly, this time. Dreamless. Safe. Tucked into bed between the two people he loved most in the world.


	7. "what he wants you to think"

"I'm fine."  
"You're lying."  
"You're annoying."

Tony did not want to argue with Steve. The idiotic blond was _way_ too invested in his welfare, which was sometimes comforting but mainly a pain in the ass.

At least he'd gotten some sleep last night. And Bucky and Steve had stopped him from working again, so he didn't have to feel guilty for not doing it. Right now he was trying and failing to convince Steve that nothing was wrong. As if panic attacks and nightmares were all perfectly normal.

Bucky, who had been listening to the debate with an air of boredom, suddenly gave an exclamation of surprise and hurried out of the room. Before they could ask where he was going, the doorbell rang.

"That'll be Thor," Tony said, dodging Steve's questions and going to answer it. It was indeed Thor, and standing behind him was a twitchy Bruce Banner drowning in a cardigan like always.  
"Natasha's around somewhere," he said, and Bruce brightened up visibly.

Nat and Pete were at that moment coming down the stairs closely followed by Rhodey. Tony hadn't quite forgiven them for the attack yesterday, but at his boyfriends' insistence he'd allowed them to stay overnight. At least they'd let him have Jarvis back. (He had no idea how they'd managed to hack him in the first place.)

Being a generally organised person, Steve managed to steer everybody out of the doorway and into a living room to sit down. They were all talking reasonably amicably when Bucky came skidding into the room and slid to a halt in front of Steve.

"Remembered- what- day it is," he panted, waving an envelope at Steve.

There was a split second, maybe a heartbeat or two, of stillness, before Steve lunged for the envelope, tossed it out of a window and promptly tackled Bucky sideways. They flew through a window together and onto the street below which was thankfully not too far down. Pieces of glass sprayed across the room and Tony sighed. The rest of his ragged assembly of guests were shouting and panicked, while he simply walked to the space where the window had been and looked downwards.

Steve was having an impassioned conversation with Bucky who looked half affronted and half amused. In fact, Steve actually looked quite panicked. Which was hilarious.

"What the hell was that?" Rhodes asked, joining him at the used-to-be window.  
" _That_ was Steve trying to keep up a reputation," Tony said, with raised eyebrows. It had been insanely over the top, even for Steve.  
"Keep up a reputation?"  
"You see, it's his birthday today," Tony said, "and that just won't do for America's golden boy."  
"Isn't his birthday the Fourth of July?" Rhodes asked.  
"That's what he wants you to think," Tony said, clapping him on the back and walking away.

This was going to take some clearing up.


End file.
